a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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