I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
honey bunches of taint.
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You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
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I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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