I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
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Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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