oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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