so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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