I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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