I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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