WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
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