It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
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I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
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Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I am one with the molecules
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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