he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
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We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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