i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
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she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
why is half of my head shaved?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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