Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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