Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize