i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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