You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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