Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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