Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize