Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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