i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
nutella sex= disaster
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
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I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
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Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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