No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
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I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
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Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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