Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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