last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
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one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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