Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
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Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
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It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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