That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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