FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
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Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
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Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize