there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
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The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
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You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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