Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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