while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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