so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
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I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
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I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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