my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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