This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
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I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
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Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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