she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize