My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize