becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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