i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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