Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
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i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
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WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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