Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
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Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
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Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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