Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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