I faked an abortion last night.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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