I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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