Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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