I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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