I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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