i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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