dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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