remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
tell me about the eggs
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