God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
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There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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