Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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