Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
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The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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