Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
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I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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